It’s midnight and you can’t sleep. You keeping thinking back to the page of Hellblazer that you can’t finish. Why doesn’t it look right? Is the perspective off? Who the hell reads a book like Hellblazer in the first place? And when the hell is it coming out? You wish you weren’t an artist at all sometimes—maybe you should have been a psychologist instead. That way you could eventually figure out what the hell was wrong with you for wanting to become an artist in the first place. You feel you were meant for something greater, but what?

SUDDENLY a blinding light appears outside your window. You want to panic but you can’t move. Your body is lifted off of the bed and floats over to the window. The window flies open with a WOOSH, knocking action figures and art supplies off of your night stand! Finally your eyes start to adjust to the light and you can make out what appears to be…an alien spaceship.

Luckily you’re a science fiction nerd, which means you’re more capable than the average abductee. Things like spaceships, black holes and parallel universes are your bread and butter. Finally the chance to put it to better use than drawing comics like Hellblazer! You shut your eyes and concentrate, trying to regain control of your body. The aliens might be from an advanced civilization, but nothing beats the willpower of a nerd who wants to fight aliens! You feel your elbow start to twitch and—finally—you regain control of your right hand. Your drawing hand! The deadliest hand of the two!

As you float out the window toward certain abduction, you realize you’re only able to grab one object to take with you. You reach for:

1) your t-square. You’ve handy with a t-square, although you’ve never used it to draw. Mostly you’ve used it to parade around your room pretending it was an axe. It’s not a Han Solo blaster, but at least it’s better than having no weapon at all.

2) your iPhone. While GPS and phone calls probably won’t work from outer space, it’s the closest thing you have to a tricorder. The camera might come in handy, and maybe you could use it to interface with something later. Plus it’s got some Pink Floyd on it, and maybe if you play it for the aliens they’ll get a sense of how open, understanding and “one with nature” you are. Or maybe hearing The Dark Side of the Moon over and over will make them kill themselves.

3) your artwork. Maybe if you show the aliens your skills as an illustrator, they won’t anal probe you quite so vigorously. Or maybe they’d let you stay on board and draw comics about their adventures.

4) a bottle of water. Part of you knows that liquid water is rare in the universe and you might get thirsty later. Part of you thinks that the aliens are probably advanced enough to have water already on board for showers and whatnot. Part of you thinks that maybe they’re allergic to water like in Signs, the movie you’ve never admitted to love.

(see ART QUEST #1 poll)